trying to keep track of my life
stuff that relates to my studies
this is making my brain hurt.
someone else from my databases class agrees – he posted this sentence as a reply to a question:
Remember, if there is an FD in F that has elements split across R1 and R2, you will have to add another relation R3 into the decomposition where R3 contains all items referenced by FDs that are in F but not found in F1 or F2.
i understand what it is saying but i cannot understand how can i understand it.
see?
i’m gone. u of t has killed me!
why do exams stress me out so much? its like the smallest thing can set me off.
in the recent years i have calmed down significantly. i used to have much more mood swings, which would go from negative to positive extremes in a very short amount of time, with negative mood prevailing.
as time moved on, so did my mood swings. in the past 3 years it has been a particularly strong wave of improvement, with moods straying towards mostly positive.
last 2 years, i am happy.
but exams – only exams, no other kind of stress, not work, not people stress, not photoshoots-gone-wrong, no fights, no broken cameras, laptops, no missed flights-lost-luggage, no other situation except exams – bring back these terrible moodswings where i can barely get a handle on myself. it feels like if i don’t do well, everything will end. and i know – i know – that it is not true. at this point marks matter so little. i’ll be fine even if i have to take this stupid databases course 5 times.
and still, right now, if i’m not studying or keeping myself busy with something (talking, cleaning), i just start freaking out.
and i’m in 4th year and i still can’t get a handle on this.
playlist:
and that’s all really.
blah, this sucks
this google search shows the marks i’ve gotten, assuming an 80% for the 3rd assignment. the last value – the 0.35 * 70 is the value of the final.
essentially, that means my databases mark will suck. no matter what i do.
:(
update
my lovely, awesome boyfriend (did i mention how great he is?) shown that i can’t do math (thankfully!)
i forgot to multiple my midterm mark by a 100 meaning i was missing out on a big chunk.
the new math
unless i autofail (get <40%) i actually will get above 60.
you know, its funny. i was so depressed about this. and i figured that there is no way – no way! – to make me feel better about this. and he just went and did. instance … ah okay i’ll spare you all the lovey dovey stuff and go tell it to him.
one day i’ll have a machine that will allow me to make tasty coffee drinks like that.
//back to studying philosophy… in which i will get *80%* if i pull of a 75% on the exam!
update @ 12:01am
that’s it! i can’t do it anymore. the names are starting to mix up in my head. i guess i’ve been studying (with some breaks here and there but mostly studying) since 2pm. wow!
who i have read (book), revised (class notes), reedited (together with overheads) and thus reviewed:
Nagel, Goldman (I, VIII), Kant, Stein (II, V),
who i have done at most 2/3 of the above (and thus not totally reviewed yet):
Singer – done the second half of Kant’s critique, but totally didn’t get first half. e-mailed prof.
Mendus – reviewed but don’t feel confident – keep forgetting what she wrote about (all jokes aside, marriage faithfulness. but she’s arguing AGAINST it)
Hajdin (2) – nothing done except rereading class notes. no lecture notes, so i have to reread the whole thing
Rapaport (I, III, IV) – done all 3 but its all a huge mess in my head and on the paper so still have to totally do
that’s for the short answer part.
for the essay part i have 4 people:
Elliston – “Gay Marriage†(4-5)
Jordan (both arguments) – “Is it Wrong to Discriminate on the Basis of Homosexuality?”
Nussbaum (everything except section II) – “Objectification,” Specific examples from D.H. Lawrence and Playboy, seven ways of treating as an object, discussions of D.H. Lawrence and Playboy.
Primoratz (4-5) – “What’s Wrong with Prostitution?” – first and second feminist critiques
i’ve got a superficial overview of all of them, but for the essay part i need to be cracking these guys off in depth. i’ll probably sketch something out for nussbaum, as her paper is HUGE, one merged gay marriage argument(almost wrote gay prostitution – now THATS a philosophy paper topic), and definitely primoratz as he could appear in both short answer AND essay part.
anyway. time for a break..nnnnow.
update @ 12:22
fun links:
cute illustration of the website development proccess
guess what?
i’m almost done.
and then i can study for exams! oh the joy. ;)
step 1:
step 2:
step 3:
step 2.1:
wow, madonna’s latest song somehow makes me feel good.
hung up
things that make me happy today:
this is one of those “if i never had to work what would i do (beside photography and travel)” things.
BBC posted an article on Romantic love ‘lasts just a year’ citing a research article. i love these kinds of news as they lead to a fantastic amount of facianting research.
so, again, upon reading such an article i jet to e-resources of u of t and try to find the original. unfortunately news articles cite their sources very liberally (i.e. mention the author and journal, but not paper title or anything like that), thus it involves some looking up.
the moment i open any given journal on scholar’s portal (biggest collection of online research journals and articles at u of t), i start to drool and wish i could read alll of them. i still haven’t found the original of the BBC article, but here is a skimming from today’s “casual research”; the articles i’d love to read just to gain the knowledge:
these are from Psychoneuroendocrinology journal.
i couldn’t find the article there (grr, and google scholar ain’t helping either), so i looked up “romantic love” in the u of t scholar’s portal. results (ohmygosh! hesi i think you’ll like this) – there is a journal called Psychology and Marketing .
articles from that:
the The Journal of Comparative Neurology Volume: 493, Issue: 1, 5 December 2005, pp. 58 – 62 has an article titled Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice
i want to read them all, collect them all. and this is just from a 15-20 minute casual browsal/search of just one of the many (at least 10 major, 50 minor) online collections of journals, all searchable.
and each article has references, which lead to more facianting stuff, and and and this is just the latest research (all of these are at most 6 months old – nearly nothing, given how my friend published a linguistics article on a book written in 1973!)
i wish i could be one of those people who writes news articles based on these journals. that’d be FREAKIN’ SWEET!
P.S. Tickets to Australia bought. Tickets to New Zealand bought (open-jaw – flying into Auckland and leaving from Christchurch). Residence secured (the mixed orange roof thing around a big tree). All that’s left is visa (easy), and figuring out the pleasantries of what to do in NZ, and what and how to pack. i foresee a lot of pleasant shopping for bags for me.
update: boingboing to the rescue! they posted a link to the original paper i was looking for
from http://www.kundalini-tantra.com/rtbrain1.html:
Surround yourself with as many things and methods capable of bringing fifth circuit brain activity as you can. To do this, a partial listing of techniques follows:
1. Unlearn traditional ways of thinking. Don’t judge or analyze others and their actions or thoughts. Function on a basic, physical, fourth brain circuit sexual plane. Be patient. Be creative. Be different than you were. Give up the past and the disastrous training it contains.
2. Meditate 38 minutes daily. New ideas indicate good meditation.
3. Be aware. Notice everything about you; colors, sounds, people, trees, etc., and try to increase that awareness every day.
4. Listen to dreams, hunches, intuition and sort them out according to second circuit, first circuit, or possible higher brain circuit emanations. Dreams represent the firing of brain cells in specific brain circuits. Many times these are just random firings and mean nothing. Some times, they are not random and tell you what a specific brain circuit is focused on.
5. BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS! Don’t rely on the opinions of others to judge and evaluate your path. Rely on the discernment of your teacher and guide as you build a new ability to rely on your own discernment based on the new understanding and knowledge of the world around you.
6. Surround yourself with the following:
flowers, potted or fresh cut
music, classical or light classical
bright colors
bright lights
bright odors
sensual touch and thought
sexual activity
views of scenic nature
helpful, respectful, and similar friends – crap, where do i find these ;)
7. Be creative to some extent each day
8. Read about your Path. Study regularily
9. Good nutrition
10. Use activity to open the fifth brain circuit. Practice Tantric rituals of all levels where legally possible. The physical world works to bring forth physical energy. Don’t rely on mental energy to boost your physical energy to the levels required to reach your goal. These methods abound and are great for the spiritual couch potato. Get off your couch and make some mental, spiritual, and physical progress each day.
from my researchig for paper due today. (yesterday + 1 day extension)
禅
zen
fresh snow.
apparently even as a self centered blog this entirely blows, cause i don’t care enough to write about myself. aren’t you happy!
philosophy essay handed in. yay for developing thinking.
databases is done. yay for tim’s brilliance.
saturday – harry potter and tim’s party.
sunday – study! w00t for starting 4 days earlier than usual.
i went to my mom’s work’s new year party today (they always celebrate it a month early – must be out of consideration for those of us who have birthdays on dec 30th!). it was fantastically decorated (40’s black and pink theme – stunning.), and the food was awesome.
cooking wise – meh, nothing lately. no time. reheating food.
clothes wise – i was sick, and then writing papers, and then sick some more. same pair of jeans and sneakers for the past week. yeah, i’m changing the shirts, but even the sweater is the same dark grey turtleneck from netherlands.
tonight i’m going spiffy. driving downtown in black(some kind of)top and my favourite green skirt.
