trying to keep track of my life
holy cow, 4 years do take a toll. this seems like yesterday.
this was the first time tim came to visit me in australia. this was 4 weeks after i left, we missed eachother horribly, and he bought a ticket to see me. don’t ask about the hair.
the shirt is the one my friends in netherlands gave me. its still treasured.
though it didn’t always seem like that at the time, boy. fun times. <3
had a really messed up dream last night, one of those where the details are SO strange that I can’t figure out where they came from?
it was like a maze, that started in my high school. a “game” maze – you entered with a few friends. charles, our consierge led us in and helped make us these rubber band guns. we included myself, tim, our 2 cats, and some other people – friends – i cant identify. as we start going through the maze i see our 2 cats run around, exploring, and then a 3rd black cat appears. i think “Hey they’re gonna have fun” and we keep walking
eventually we get to a twisty turn where we all understand we’ll need to shoot the fake monsters with our rubber bands. the atmosphere is creepy (its dark) but also we know its a game-maze, so no one is freaked out.
i can’t shoot because my hand is stuck near the wall because of the pressure from the people behind me.
our rubber band guns break and the cardboard monsters (like jack in a box) don’t actually harm us – but there’s a voice saying “you are now dead!”. we turn around and take another turn of the maze, when i say “i’m tired of this, this is not fun” and take the first random door.
the door takes me out to a courtyard, with dozens of porches, each one labelled with a decade period. i open one randomly and see something like a puppet show that falls back and reveals hitler which falls back and reveals an alien. someone approaches from behind the thing (this is all me looking into a hallway from the porch) and leads the alien away by the hand saying “this is not for her to see, let’s go”.
i step away and see my two cats, one of whom tail is now shorter. i freak out, pick them up and get flashes of what they went through while they were away (nothing very happy, Bad People did Bad Things to them). i get VERY pissed off and run up to someone standing in the middle of the yard, saying “what the hell is going on, what the fuck is wrong with you sickos” and he/she (can’t remember) goes “you’re not supposed to be here”.
mind you, int he background, i can hear the events of each decade behind the doors. JFK shooting, 20s music, martin luther king, ww2, ww1.
i look around and start looking for my decade, but can’t find anything – everything is in the previous centuries. i end up finding some unmarked door and walking into what seems like an old abandoned hospital. i’m carrying the cats this entire time. i find a vet, and i start demanding answers from her. she seems to be a drunk nazi vet who is very old and very tired. she explains its not “their fault, they thought the cat wasn’t yours”. i get very pissed off and make her hold the cats and go “SEE WHAT THEY DID” and she is terrified and sobers up.
at this point i’m tired, frustrated, scared and angry. i jump out the window and wake up.
the black cat is curled up RIGHT BESIDE ME, leaning into me, and first thing i do is check her tail. it’s all there!
yeah. freaky dreams.
Lady Gaga, of course. All of her. Alejandro especially.
all the kitchens below on the path in our renovation :-)
All inspiration and floor plans are here
Currently I’m pricing contractors, finishes and appliances. The floorplan is basically finalized (last images in the set linked above), cabinets are most likely the shiny white abstract ikea line. Still up for debate:
countertop
appliances
tap
sink
I really love white careera marble but its freaking expensive from what I hear.
The desire for the material is awful. I want new shoes, I want to update my wardrobe to be more classic (as if I don’t have enough black in my closet), I want that knock off bag.
My camera seems to have died. Rest in peace, d70. I have no money to get a new one given how I want a new kitchen. Let’s just hope I won’t need to take any photos in the next month. (HAH).
I learned how to make some REALLY kick ass cocktails recently. @shazow and @limedaring were kind enough to let me experiment on them sunday night; then the experiments continued after the lovely dinner at colbourne lane (which apparently is probably like the fanciest restaurant in the city? who knew. SIMONA my darling coworker knew. here is simona.
she took us there as a treat, silly lady. though it was still much appreciated.), when simona came by for continuation of the party. i managed to whip up 4 different cocktails from what seemed absolutely no ingridients on hand.
one milky. (zeus’s… magic juice, let’s say, though our name is a bit more dirty)
one chocolaty (no name)
one lemony (elephaunt lips)
one sweet (a modified sweet lips or something like that)
i’m missing grenadine among other necessary ingridients
tonight i made banana bread and it again succeeded. if you ever want to try making it, this recipe can do no wrong. even with week old bananas. for serious. and it takes like 5 minutes all together of effort for a week of breakfasts. amazing.
its a bit hard to believe that 1/12th of the year is already has went by. the stress situation is getting a bit better; in part because of lessened workload and in part because i’ve learned to handle it better. i still have ways to go in terms of managing to not let it get to me and to juggle all the responsibility without it eating into my after-5 time, but at least i have my priorities set.
its a bit trippy to think that 1/12 of the year has already passed. its such a large chunk of the year, and it seems like yesterday that time came back with the big white box from apple, or the policeman threatened to arrest my dad at nathan phillips square for public intoxication during the new years celebration.
this month has been particularly good because we made some correct steps to a better life. we have had some good conversations regarding what both of us want in the next 5 years; a cleaning lady will start coming in weekly; and a carpenter is coming in tomorrow to look at the kitchen for a possible reno. the 3 things have very little to do with eachother other than we’re becoming more adult-like in our thoughts, and behavior.
today we went to dave and busters for a friend’s birthday. the lady in question is a friend of a friend, though she has helped us out magnificently with the wedding. it was shocking how young people there felt to me. this was probably the first day i felt Old/Adult. there is something very refreshing and terrifying about being able to spend $10 on tickets without any worry; there is something very wrong when 80% of the crowd is younger than you. WEIRD. and i’m only 26.
i still think of myself as being 25 years old. not 26. though i do actively remember my age.
the condo is coming along nicely. other than the hypothetical kitchen reno we’re pretty stabilized. OH YES! ALMOST FORGOT:
mom gave me some awesome birthday presents. she refinished (well, finished from our light start together) the fiberglass Eames Herman Miller chair that was made march 14, 1956. I know because I’m looking at the manufacturing label RIGHT NOW. its framed by my table. she stripped and sanded down the chair and repainted it, and replaced it with the legs that I got forever ago to replace the broken old ones. this chair came from my previous position with the Mining Company. I’m madly in love with the fact that I have a 50+ year old chair. HOW AMAZING IS THAT.
but to boot, she refinished the twin to the original wooden chair from the same corporate location; i now posses 2 matching vintage teak chairs. I love them to pieces. It’s probably a bit sick. BUT OH MAN.
I got myself some tulips on Wednesday and they still look great, even though they ran out of water last night when we slept over at Karmun’s; amazingly enough the refreshed vase this afternoon rescued them. they actually finished the exciting water bone dry.
I started buying musin on iTunes. I can’t stop listening to I’m your Man – Down With Webster – a Canadian band! And I bought it on iTunes. There’s something superbly pleasant about buying music so cheaply and easily. And legally.
Flat Rock Pinot Noir 2007 is awesome.
I feel like I’m starting to feel very tired from the stress. thank goodness I have:
a supportive husband
an amazingly patient and helpful girlfirend
ridiculously easy going friends who forgive my disappearances
smarter than I coworkers
and a good manager
but I still want to start leaving work at 5, not 6-7:30 which is what goes so far.
random:
black seal rum is delicious
want to try rye whiskey and single malt
got a tetanus shot – ouch!
What did I do, feel, think, want and experience this year?
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Managed money, and people – took authority and responsibility. Sometimes it worked out, sometimes it didn’t, either way I learned that a manager is only as good as their team.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?’
Can’t remember 2009’s. 2010s is to have less stuff.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
3 coworkers, 1 Tim’s coworkers. Last year it was 1, this year its 4. Time’s acoming my friends.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No. (I am so lucky to say this 2 years in a row!!!!!)
5. What countries did you visit? US (Las Vegas (!!!), Los Angeles, Buffalo, Tampa, Orlando (Disneyland!), other side of the lake), Canada (Oakville sailing club, Frenchmans’s bay), Paris-France (with Karmun!)
6. What would you like to have in 2009 which you lacked in 2008?
Less stress.
That said – last year I said “more windows” and now I live in a crazy bright apartment. But we acquired it somewhat in part to my stress – eg I worked hard – so I dunno if this is a trade off or what.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
The day I loved sailing. I went sailing a few times before that, but on that occasion, a very superbly awesome coworker (Leo) and his girlfriend (Ella) came along with us on a beautiful after work sunset cruise. The experience was peaceful, magical, and awesome and I fell in love with the water, the light, the view. This year, 2009, was truly the year of the boat.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Learning how to sail. Even a bit.
9. What was your biggest failure? Not uploading more of my photographs despite taking them. I have a problem with sharing my work. (Same as 2008). + Not taking more photos. Gugh,
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I officially cracked my right pinky toe and freaked out my doctor by getting a ridiculously (twice normal bound) count of white cells, which made them call me in and get retested. That seriously freaked me out and gave me a major perspective on work for all of 5 days.
11. What was the best thing you bought? 27 inch iMac, French little black dress, Wii, condo, boat.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine for being so goshdarned adult at 25 years of age. And my team members at work who brought in kick ass results that could not have happened without them.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Sadly I saw a lot of stupidity this year. Maybe managing things does that to you.
14. Where did most of your money go? Good wine; good food; good clothes; but mostly A PLACE WITH WINDOWS.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going sailing; but that took a while.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Flo-rida – Get low – because we made up our funny songs about it. Also, Lady Gaga.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer? Happier, thinner-ish – this year I ate healthier more, richer. Wow, now it sounds like I’m showing off.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Taking pictures.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Internet-browsing.
funny both are same from 2008
20. How will you be spending New Year’s? I spent it with Tim, 3 more couples, and my parents, having an awesome dinner, loads of champagne, and a fun evening. It was a blast. And my dad almost got arrested for drinking alcohol outside (even if it wasn’t! :-) ).
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? Mom. I hope to call her more often next year!
22. Did you fall in love in 2008? Same person as before :) Each year brings a new aspect to the relationship. It might not get easier, but it sure gets better
23. How many one night stands in this last year? N/A?
24. What was your favorite TV program? Again, TOUGH. Dexter, How I Met Your Mother, HOUSE is definitely probably first? This hasn’t changed in a year. (!!)
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope. No hate, peace brother.
26. What was the best book(s) you read? This year I went on a Sue Grafton kick. That was aweome. And I loved Twilight even if I am ashamed.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Lady Gaga.
28. What did you want and get? IMAC AND NEW CHAIRS AHOY. All the presents I got this year were awesome. I am crazy lucky to have such awesome family and friends.
29. What did you want and not get? Did not happen at all.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Up.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn? Slept in, enterntained a large but awesome selectio of guests at home, had a great dinner I made (lamb roast. mmm.) with Tim, parents, Maha & Tema. Turned 26.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having less stress and more free time. Apparently hard work means HARD WORK.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? More dresses, still with black & grey now with addition of navy and white.
34. What kept you sane? Family. Sleep.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Robert Downey Jr.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? US Healthcare.
37. Whom did you miss? A lot of people. Netherlands.
38. Who was the best new person you met? I feel like I’ve gotten to know some people far better; that is a good thing.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Work hard – the payoff is good. Work hard – be gentle with your marriage – it is hard to balance work and home life without damage to one or the other.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Waiting at the station
Feel no hesitation and begin the ride
Still pretty young,but time’s already come and I begin to slide
I’m turning down, down looking down now
I got you dazey little hazey
I get the feeling, just leaves me reeling I begin to cry
Then the rain came down .. teardrops
Then the rain came down .. teardrops
Then the rain came down .. teardrops
Then the rain came down
I hope it doesn’t rain all day
So later on, thought I was on my own and twilight filled the sky
voice drifted through, it sounded just like you and I remember why
I ran away from the celebration, another year by, a fly-by
Out the door, I’ve been here once before, forgot to say good bye
Apparently I listened to this song at least 43 times (out of my 5.6K+ library), right after Runaway by Del Shanon, Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf, Lady Gaga (Poker Face/Just Dance) or Under the Moon of Love.
But this song twingest a thing in my heart. It’s about moving on, growing up, the crazyiness that is growing up, and the enormous pain that is letting go of you childhood – the freedom, the options, the incredibly underlying sense that anything you want to do is not only possible, but is OK – that whatever it is that you do is available to you. (I can no longer decide to move to France on a whimsy).
It’s tough, but it’s good. It is still tough, and this year brought a lot of moments where I had to turn away from old photographs in order to stop crying over the life that I have lived – not because it was bad, but because it was so good that I don’t know how to handle those feelings and those memories. This paragraph took me 10 times to type.
This was overall a great year. It was the first year that I was truly a professional at work. It was the year we have bought our boat, which is definitely going influence how we live in the future, and also the year of our condo (unbelievably freaking lucky catch of a break condo).
It was the year of the iMac, the couch, the pass of a quarter century.
It was a good year.
But I can’t wait for 2010.
I have a feeling it holds more awesome things.
PS – It’s going to be 6 weeks tomorrow. Not a drag.
But, 3 nightmares (!!!) about having one. I cannot be happier that I quit. I could not be happier that I did it BEFORE the holidays, which would have annihilated any desire to do so. Allen Carr saved my life.
after loving the shuffle; after becoming entirely attached-at-the-hip to the ipod touch; i have received/gotten the quad core 27 inch imac for my birthday. (Eg instead of paying off mortgage i got myself a fancy toy. This is me being a 26 year old adult. Clearly I’m learning something over the years…!)
I have never owned an apple machine before. I remember the first time I used one – it was when we came to Canada and I went to grade 8. They had the old macs and the new ones – the all in one, brightly colored ones? I don’t think I really had much real exposure after that – in high school the machines were PCs. At home, they were PCs. At university, they were PCs (by large, anyway, I can’t recall otherwise).
But despite the rarity of the Apple I always had a deep dedication, fondness and a hidden desire to own one.
So as we are DINKs (Double Income No Kids) and I have worked my butt off in form of many late nights, 11pm emails, 7am calls and 8am meetings, I feel (and kinda have) earned myself the ultimate. present. of. all. time. A new, TOP OF THE FSCKING LINE, 27 inch widescreen QUAD FSCKING CORE iMac. I wouldn’t swear but I CANT.
The entire reason for this entry is the overwhelming disbelief and joy that I have went and gotten myself the most top end thing of anything. I’m not whining – its just, I’ve always been very reasonable in my demands. iPod touch – not iPhone. Built PC – not a laptop. Nikon D70 – even if its falling apart quite literally after 5 (5!!!!) years.
But I went and gotten the computer of my dreams.
The funny thing is I didn’t even know how much I’d enjoy using it. My motivations were based in (a) esthetics – we live in a nice place, my computer is highly visible, and I wanted something that would look good – and (b) function – I sure as heck wasn’t going to get a Sony all in one or something silly like that. After the fairly recent announcements of the 21 and 27 inch macs I decided that – fsck yeah! – I’ll treat myself to top of the line.
The smell of new computer is makes me ecstatic. The hugeness of the screen …. is unbelievalbe. But every time that I look down and see THE DASHBOARD. Or everytime that I do ANYTHING AT ALL EVEN SORTING PHOTOS – I am blown away by HOW GOOD IT LOOKS. And I’m not being biased – my crazy dual core 64 bit 2gb ram 500GB raid + dedicated swap PC + 21 inch dell monitor (same manufacturer as one for apple monitors) is right by side. THEY CANNOT BE COMPARED.
2010 is the year I switched. I do not think I will ever, ever switch back. It pains me it took so long. But now – I cannot imagine it.
it’s been 50 hours since i stubbed out my last one and said i’m done.
it was surprisingly easy. tomorrow evening i’ll hit the 72 hour mark for all nicotine being out of my system, and before my birthday i’ll hit the 2-3 week pass when I hit the next milestone.
[1] [2]
It’s exciting. i’m doing this in the arguably most stressful and busy period of the entire year – i have 3 projects reaching major milestons and completion in the next 3 weeks; plus christmas, plus volunteering, plus a number of other initiatives at work that i’m working on; plus you know, regular life/cleaning/friends/family.
the first 2 days were very, very, easy. i’m finding tonight slightly harder than before, but evenings are usually more hard. once i get a final update on this project i can go to sleep… and that has become FAR better!
speaking of work – that has been a blast. though very, very busy i am loving the never-a-boring-moment, and working with people, and trying to find my way out of very complicated situations where i have to deal with people – not computers. this is why i like this job.
condo is going well. the couch is all i dreamed about and more. the next big project is the kitchen.
while tim was away i repainted the bathroom and hung up a new light fixture. mm, good light.
after the initial couch didn’t fit through the hallway, the search was reset. today, with chelsea’s patient help, we finally ordered a couch.
MY DREAM COUCH.
god, i hope the color will work out. i’ll find out in 8-10 weeks
