date: 1104211809
mood: angry, sad
listening to:
i am not happy.
i don’t know enough, and what i don’t know hurts me. i am stupid, i can’t create what i want to, my art is shit, because its not even art. i don’t even know how to properly use the fscking equipment i worked so hard to get. i can’t create anything original, and what i call original, in reality, doesn’t even come close to what would be considered serious work by anyone. i could, and should just toss all of my photographs, cause whats the point, they are junk, and are completely useless. why am i even trying? its all garbage, and i can’t get better simply because i am an idiot and don’t know anything.
i wish, i wish i could stop feeling like this, but i had this sitting in me for probably a few months now, and tonight its just exploding. i don’t know why i even try. everyone else seems to know exactly what they are doing with their photographs, why, and for what, and how. everything i read shows me people who like and know what they are doing. i’m just a silly little girl who is pretending to be able to take photographs, when in reality all i have is a big camera that impresses people.i have no idea what i’m doing, i have no idea where i’m going, i have not a clue of what i want to show or express. i just want to shoot, and i wish i could stop thinking about the part before and after – that way i could ignore my stupidity.
alas, i can’t. i am stupid, and i don’t know what to do. it is all shit, and i don’t know where to go from here.