“throw an idea instead of potatoes, idiots!”

date: 1100194558

mood: barely productive
listening to:my other music off external harddrive, right now russian, cause i miss the language.

it is tuesday “morning”. my sleeping schedule is absolutely messed up.

it is thursday. you know your schedule in general is messed up when you had the modblog add entry page open with the above phrase for … 3 days.

yeah, so my sleeping schedule. i fall asleep by 3, wake up by 12. i had an 8:30 class on wednesday, but i STILL went to sleep at 3am, without a day nap or anything.

my most major concern for this week was me spending a massive amount of money as of before this monday. in two weeks i spent [way too much, no numbers]. today, i wrote out all my expenses, neatly, and everything adds up. most of money was spent reasonable, on one time things (bus tickets, text book, stuff like that).

anyway… so my challenge, is to live on my current groceries for another day or two, so that my expenses become more reasonable. except i wanna go shopping and buy TASTY STUFFS. argh.

i have a soy sauce bottle on which it says “made by foodstuffs”. isn’t that neat?

yeah…

i’m 2nd best in my french class. the french guys are asking “why only 2nd!”. i should speak french to them more.

chinese is blaaaah. i should work more.

art class is fun-ish. last class i was praised by prof for an excellent explanation of why duchamps readymades are art/nonart at the same time. (they “blur the line between art and life”). which was nice. i still hate the 8:30 lecture… except the material is interesting.

today was laundry/coding day. i finished my large load of colors, waiting for a drier to free up to dry socks and such, all major stuff (coats, sweatshirts) are hung out on the outside line. as part of my washing i decided to wash the whites in my sink, cause i had very little. proceed to begin, then go to google out of curiousity.

there are a lot of articles describing how to do laundry, and even some that describe how to do it by hand. what i found hilarious was this article

the fact that people who so seriously discuss washing laundry in a tub with a plunger are posting online shocked me. as well as they have a computer and a functioning internet connection, but still wash by hand laundry for their families. “I wash all our things out by hand in the kitchen sink with hot water, using homemade soap. And let me tell you, it sure is nice to have running water!” i am not sure if that was sarcasm on part of poster.

but then i looked at the states.

ohio. oklahoma. florida. kentucky. kansas, tennessee, georgia, texas.

you see anything in common among those of the above?

make your own conclusions…

and no, i’m allowed to do laundry by hand, i scirbbled last spare change to buy the 3 euro laundry token. i’m currently down to exactly 2 euros and 35 cents. tomorrow i shall take money out and buy [a little] food.

the weather is becoming colder… and wetter… and greyer… blaah. maybe that’s why i’m craving nice foods.

au prochain!

the weekend of foreign visitors

date: 1100699159

mood: in pain. tired. happy. missing home.
listening to:construction workers

i am so long overdue for an update, that i feel highly guilty.

well, not guilty, just bad since time is flying past so, so, fast. it feels like just yesterday the november was in the single digits…

internet from my room has weakened to the point where i am not sure when i can get it anymore, which is quite a shame. however, tom and jerome got new laptops this weekend, whose wireless reception is much much better than mine. they can catch stuff, so there’s hope for me yet.

lets see… last 5 days.

last post was on thursday.

friday! morning class. i dressed nice! even though it is cold, i still wore my “french” skirt – anyway, it’s called that now because it has been deemed french by julien when he first saw it (way back in september), as well as a hong kong girl who met me after french class and thought i am french (seriously, would i be taking french?). it was nice though.

friday.. well, i remember it being fairly quiet. we went out, but just to highlander, for a few hours. not everyone went. i THINK there was a sangria party, but i also think i was tired that evening so i stayed in my room reading before going out. anyway, friday is inconsequential (although going to highlander is becoming more and more fun, its really like our own place).

saturday is the day i really want to remember! saturday morning was boring, with me waking up far too late, again. the whole day was wildly unproductive, with nearly nothing getting done in any of my courses. i think i cleaned up my room, which is nice – i enjoy being there now, it is cozy and cute, and feels like my own. later in the evening, julien’s three friends from paris came over – well, they were over for the whole weekend, however they spent the time before travelling.

the three guys, whose names i was obviously unable to remember after seeing most of them for the first time in my life (one of them we met in paris, when we went there), lets call ’em paris guy (the one we met, curly haired, has a girlfriend), short haired (tall, shorthaired, very french), and guitarist (curly hair, plays the guitar, is in engineering!). all three of them very nice, friendly, considering they lived on our floor for 3 days, its nice. friday they went out independently with julien.

so, yes, saturday. ate dinner, took shower, successfully missed going out to play pool, but no big loss. went out around 12 to highlander with chris, simon, myself and patricia. there we met sandra and noyla (who went to cologne that day, due to a supposed parade happening there, however as it turned out there was no parade, it was cold, and they were very tired. they tried to persuade other people to go but i successfully resisted their charms! i think for the best; but i do want to go there before i leave europe), julien + 3 friends, francesca, nicolas and aphrodita, and jerome. conspiciously absent: thomas (paris, vising parents), david (out with his friends from eindohven – he came back right as we left, but he was dead tired and didn’t want to go), aaaand that’s all. so, LOTS of people.

ah, yes. fast forward 2 fantastic hours later, a few beers, an AWESOME conversation with kris (that’s how you spell his name! kristian. i keep forgetting!) about russian culture (about guy/girl relationships in russia, sexual “harassment”, general attitudes between the sexes, and general social behavior among those who lived there and live there), and then i grilled him about norwegian society and culture (so. interesting. honestly, its aewsome fun to ask people about their countries and all. with the right questions you can get some awesome information! and personal too!), we finally packed up and went to meta – everyone except jerome who only listens to reggae.

this saturday night was seriously one of the greatest times i went out. i mean, the first time i really danced was great also, but this time it was the same only with more people! everyone were dancing, every single person, and we stayed out until 5:30 am. highlight of the evening: dancing to “i will survive” with this remix version, which had a chorus going in the end “naaana na na na na na, na na na naa na na na na na na” in this melody … erm, yeah, text is superb for transferring the melody names. so to this kinda russian chorus sounding melody we formed a looong cancan like line and we all were throwing our legs up in the air. so a chain of like 10 people, after 2 hours of dancing and 2 hours of bar hopping (we also stopped by the … place that’s decorated with faeries, has neat lighting, and a lot of gaming machines, can’t remember the name). hehehe, it was fantastic. just awesome.

anyway, so we arrived home at 5:30 – that would be me and chris. everyone else – 8 people! – fit into julien’s car and went that way. sandra took my bike (tom’s bike while he’s gone, actually), so i guess we were 11 people total.

upon arrival home, we stayed up until 8:30 (8:30! saw the sunrise! argh, pics are at home). i showed my photographs, people were impressed. it brings such joy to me! the guitarist was in shock “what are you doing studying computer science, do photography!”. he says he works with designers/art designers, and my stuff is better than theirs. w00tw00t. gives me nothing but pride, but that’s also good.

so, yeah. we were drinking french absenth with tea (made on top of the electic plate in a pot, our kettle is broken for like 2 weeks now). francesca made risotto, and they ate at 7 am. nuts!

at 8:30 i went to sleep. woke up at 12:30, woke up chris (who REALLY didn’t feel like getting up, but we arranged the night before to force eachother to wake up), went to the library around 2-3. library: studied chinese, in the sense that i translated a chinese text that i had to. like 6 sentences took me 1.5 hours! aaay! *sigh* i apparently need cantonese and not mandarin in order to speak chinese in downtown toronto, so its completely useless anyway. at least the characters will hopefully come in use!

after library, came home, had a shower, dinner, finished chinese, did some programming. pretty uneventful day.

monday: woke up too late, programmed some, went to chinese.
tuesday: woke up too early, met professor, had a great meeting with him, came home, went shopping for food with tom (yay for aldi + car). came home, prepared for french.

borrowed tom’s bike to go to french.

this is where my luck failed me.

after about 5 minutes on the bike, before even reaching the first interesection (however leaving the parking lot), something happened, the back wheel of the bike locked, and i flew on the ground.

first thought: “i don’t have my laptop with me. PHEW”

next thought: “OW”

big big shock. i fell hard. on my legs, arms, and worst of all, my back, which still hurts. i don’t think its serious, just probably a bruise. but its NOT nice.

what happened is that somehow the brake cable got tangled around the backwheel and thus locked it after spinning around it.

i limped home, kinda carrying the bike. obviously didn’t go to french, which sucks, cause this would make it a 3rd miss and thus i’ll either fail or have to do an extra assignment. i think she will understand though…

anyway. so last night i was in bed for the whole evening, no moving, everything hurts, a complete shock for the first hour.

today, morning, wednesday, 8:30 class, walked to school (ouch). almost fell asleep too many times during lecture. tutorial was okay.

it sucks; lectures are interesting but are toooo damn early.

anyway… typed this long entry to keep up to date.

coming home, helping tom with his paper, helping julien with his paper, helping noyla with her papers (she speaks english very poorly. i’m the only one not getting annoyed, so i help her out a lot. well, i think same goes for chris.). reading my readers for tomorrow’s art group meeting (blah, presentation on friday). possibly cooking very very tasty stuff in order to use supplies before rome.

and, yes!. just 2 more days until rome.

*adds 2 and 2*

shoot. and i had the fantastic luck to hurt myself to the point where walking is NOT fun. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, i hope i’ll get better soon!

quote of the week, from early morning (tuesday) advertising:
“and remember everyone, there is nothing more powerful than the statement the woman makes with her hair!”
– toni pony creator.

the world is my home

date: 1102785466

mood: everything at once
listening to:mylene farmer – regrets

ah, 3 weeks, no update.
many things happened. i hurt my back, and the injury got aggravated due to the walking in rome.

how to summarize 3 weeks?

they fly by too fast.

i took photographs. i went to classes. i went to luxembourg. i went to the doctor. i went out. i stayed home. i made vareniki. i went shopping. i went skating. i went to a movie. and i took photographs.

i programmed, or tried to. i talked to people, or tried to. :)

i’m feeling an immense feeling of nostalgia right now, for the 4 months that seemed to fly by. some things seem like they happened just yesterday, and some things feel like years ago. all in all, this definetly was much, much more than i could have possibly expected in the beginning.

ah, well, screw sadness. exciting stuff?

after tuesday evening i am free for a whole week. expect to have a lot of partying.
next friday will be bruges for the whole day, i hope. and germany…

i keep notes for the past 3 weeks, but they are so point form. its more important to me to spend the last time with the people here (or at least study for my language exams) than to sit at my computer. as such, i shall go! :)

things left:
saturday eve: study french until done, then highlander for a beer
sunday: chinese/programming/ library for art class
monday: chinese/programming
tuesday: last meeting, then french exam (yikes)
wednesday: art class on photography!, then roadtrip anywhere
thursday: road trip anywhere
friday: art class, road trip to bruges, then 5th floor final dinner
saturday: my “birthday” aka an excuse to invite lotsa people to 5th floor and have a party
sunday: party/road trip
monday: road trip/party until wee hours of tuesday…

i guess i’m not that poorly off. at least i have thursday/sunday to have full day roadtrips!

i also should send the 2nd package home soon, and check that i can take my luggage normally.

i can’t believe how great this experience was. never expected anything like this to happen. so many friends made… spain, switzerland, france, italy, scotland, estonia.

but soon – canada!

languages. wo3 dong3!

date: 1102970292

mood:
listening to:

monday was spent in study of chinese, slacking off from study of chinese, and for about 1/2 hour helping julien prepare his paper for submition (setting fonts, formatting, explaining how to do foot notes). and eating, a few times.

but the highlight of the day is of course my chinese exam. yes, i had it tonight.

the written part was EASY. i easily gotten 80% on it, i believe. at very least 70, likely 95 (only one 2 mark question out of 50 points that i didnt know! and it was an unfair one too, he said we dont need to remember city name’s characters, and it was a city name). so, i definitely passed, and probably with a high mark too.

i can’t WAIT until i get back home and my nice “mark-self-esteem” is going to get blown to shreds by u of t.

tomorrow evening i have french exam. so right now as practice for it, i shall watch the godfather… in french! :)

time flies!

date: 1103178076

mood: wide eyed and bushy tailed
listening to:

Brain development research reveals that the human brain continues growing in capacity into young adulthood (until about age 21). In fact, the part of the brain that controls and suppresses impulses, and is critical to good decision-making, is among the last to mature. This serves as the basis for laws that limit adult responsibility, for instance, prohibiting voting, military service or jury duty until age 18.

what, that means i can’t stay up until 7 am when i am 21? damn.

for the record, i did not go out. i played “go” with simon until 5 am. i lost, 52 stones to 90 – but that doesn’t matter, that game isn’t about winning.

tot ziens!

parting words

date: 1104103931

mood: nostalgic
listening to:

“and never let anyone tell you that you are not good… because you are amazing.”

it is like leaving a family. i miss my room there, i miss my friends.

not happy

date: 1104211809

mood: angry, sad
listening to:

i am not happy.

i don’t know enough, and what i don’t know hurts me. i am stupid, i can’t create what i want to, my art is shit, because its not even art. i don’t even know how to properly use the fscking equipment i worked so hard to get. i can’t create anything original, and what i call original, in reality, doesn’t even come close to what would be considered serious work by anyone. i could, and should just toss all of my photographs, cause whats the point, they are junk, and are completely useless. why am i even trying? its all garbage, and i can’t get better simply because i am an idiot and don’t know anything.

i wish, i wish i could stop feeling like this, but i had this sitting in me for probably a few months now, and tonight its just exploding. i don’t know why i even try. everyone else seems to know exactly what they are doing with their photographs, why, and for what, and how. everything i read shows me people who like and know what they are doing. i’m just a silly little girl who is pretending to be able to take photographs, when in reality all i have is a big camera that impresses people.i have no idea what i’m doing, i have no idea where i’m going, i have not a clue of what i want to show or express. i just want to shoot, and i wish i could stop thinking about the part before and after – that way i could ignore my stupidity.

alas, i can’t. i am stupid, and i don’t know what to do. it is all shit, and i don’t know where to go from here.

dark side of the moon

date: 1104703525

mood: tired. handra.
listening to:pink floyd, comfortably numb

i’m stuck between two places. here, and there. sometimes i’m more here, and sometimes i’m more there, but the transition is painful. writing emails is difficult, it brings up happy memories that i am afraid i’ll not be able to replicate. when i was there, i felt like an adult … a young adult, if that suits you more. when i was there, i felt mature, independent. and here, i suddenly am trying to mesh into my old image, who i was before i left, and it is not who i am any more.
maybe that is why i am so tired and shying away from people. maybe that’s the reason for my headaches, for the sickness, for the handra.
i am just not sure how to speed up the process.

anyway.

new years came and went, and so did my birthday. i’m 21. an abstract number … representing nothing. i am happy; as everyone i have ups and downs, but majority and overwhelmingly i am happy, and could not ask for more from life. (i can of course still demand more from myself, heh).

my new years resolution is to hold promises, and to be on time. as such, expect me to make less promises.

i hope to spend more time with my dog, to raise my marks, to balance life, to be more healthy, to shoot more but less at the same time. i hope to be more creative, more smart, and i hope next year i’ll be able to look back as i am now, and say that this year i have learned more than i could have expected.