my personal timeline

date: 1074676112

mood: i have mood?
listening to:i can hear?

assignment done.
tomorrow is going to be the end of me.

date: 1074845773

mood: exhausted
listening to:rob d – furious angels

my day is so weird. im so tired.

spiderman is chasing me today. i watched a part of jumanji and the girl who is in spiderman was there and then it came on tv – the cartoon. weird.

handed in assignment, and am soo behind on another one due monday and i’m gonna have NO time to work on it tomorrow. i am SO fucked, i so shouldn’t be meeting people or going skiing or meeting more people… blah. i wanna destress, and physical activity (SUCH AS SKIING! keep your mind outta gutter here! =) ) would be great.

tomorrow i’m going to meet people for a very interesting creative portrait shoot project. thankfully its not really portraits, its more abstract. which is awesome cause i realized that i sucksucksuck with portraits.

newspaper is quiet, didn’t do anything for a while. i SHOULD stop by the office but i am SO tired… and to thikn there is a $75 check waiting for me there. i’m not lazy, i’m honestly tired.

hesi’s blogs are so filled with stress. and tiredness. and it makes me think, when we’re happy we rarely blog. when we’re upset we blog more. in 100 years, people are going to look back and don’t see anyone who was ever happy.

i’m tired and my eyes are dry and contacts hurt. i wanna have new glasses boo.

*sighs* what else…
my room is a mess. the new hat look cool. the new bag is supah useful. schedule is working out okay. i accidentally read a week ahead in language aquisition. its a great class *nodnod*.

so
sleepy
eyes
closing

superkev’s journals and comments are so full of peace and balance. i bet he’d be able to give me awesome advice on how to put stuff in my room, cause i want it peaceful and stuff. i have a small bowl with rocks from cuba and my camping trips. i love it. i want more bowls like that. and candles! want more candles.

and i’d kill for a hot shower … or a bath, yeaaah a bath with candles, right now, but 10am class == leaving at 9 == opening groggy eyes at 8 to be able to physically move in time to leave the house. so no shower. bathroom and bed.

i like peace. i don’t like when … stuff is sudden. extremes. im annoyed with them, and my mood is so full of them its not even funny.

so that’s my chinese new year’s wish for you , and me. balance and peace.

date: 1074929001

mood: exhausted – again
listening to:massive attack – buttefly caught – paul oaley remix

books read in the past week:
Michael Crichton Airframe
Michael Crichton Congo
Michael Crichton The Andromeda Strain
Michael Crichton The Great TrainRobbery
Michael Crichton Timeline
Michael Crichton Prey

wow, that’s less than it felt like. *skratches head* weird. anyway, a book/2 days is my average so far.

i forgot my id when we went to a bar tonight and we had to go alll the way back. i felt stupid. blah , 20 years old and still no trust.
the manager gave us free shots cause he screwed up the order a few times. like forgot drinks and stuff and bugged us for id twice.
i was imprssed becuase i was thinking that he realized that he screwed up the drinks (like forgot about 2 people totally, and i was one of them) and his face reflected the thought “fuck, losing costumers”
so like 5 mins later he comes with free shots for the whole table. i was … impressed.

shady is going to sleep on my bed tonight. i want comfort.

Conscious self

Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||| 51% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 57% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||| 46% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||||| 69% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||| 74% Type 6 Anxiety |||||| 30% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 45% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||| 21% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 42% Your Conscious-Surface type is 5w4
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 4w3

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

i love the music that is playing. and im so sleepy.
my parents told me to stop thinking about hw and go relax. “you have huge circles under your eyes”. i was shocked. so im gonna go sleep now.

date: 1075127545

mood: needing contact lens solution
listening to:edge102 commercial/people talking, aaand my palm alarm blaring

i stayed up until ~5am doing my cs assignment last night. putting things to last minute – tsk tsk.

anyway, its done… it works. today in school i’ll edit comments, and be done.

since i have a morning class i gotta go to i tried to make a system of alarms that’d wake me up.

first the quietest one but the one that will keep going. my palm. closest to bed.

then the cellphone, like 20 minutes later

and then the radio, like 10 minutes later (its like 9:00 am at this point… by my time, more or less), on a volume that’s reasonably loud but listanble.

so i can drift off and i know i’ll get waken up by the two small intermitted alarms (cell/palm), and i can continuously hear the radio and not worry about totally drifting off.

it worked well! im dead tired but i’m up. going to drink tea and eat breakfast and go to school. -14, snowing, and i cant figure out what shoud i wear. *looks* aaww damn, its -24 with windchill, so its freezing. blaaaaaaaaaaaaah, so tired of freezing.

*yaaaaaaaaaaaawns* good morning people.

date: 1075214682

mood: REALLY needing contact lens solution and snowed in
listening to:edge102

damnit, i can’t find the videos of which they are speaking

http://www.canada.co…b2-9d5e-06b57f19cdc6

i wonder if rival stations are gonna be playing them.

and www.frankmagazine.ca just crashed, i’m guessing because everyone went there after the radio annouced where you can get the videos. i think they have a link but its down (obviously).

today i’m shooting people – a dance group. a long big project. i’ll go take a quickie shower so that i feel good the whole day. =)

date: 1075322460

mood: depressed, hopeless, stupid
listening to:

i gotten back my algebra test.
as you may remember i was confident i gotten a good mark on that exam. istudied for more hours than i can describe. i took a prep couse. i spent 9 hours in a lecture covering everything that was given through out the year, solved questions from instructors manual, solved pretty much all of old exam question that i could get my hands on and memorized … well, i thought i had it aced/

i THOUGHT i gotten a good mark. i THOUGHT that they made a mistake. i THOUGHT that i could do well if study

i thought wrong.

or rather, i learned that i can’t learn, i can’t think and i cant remember.

i gotten a 69. on an exam where i was confident i’ve gotten 95. for mistakes i shouldn’t have made if i had brains.

i have never, ever felt as hopeless, as … well, given up and … pointless, stupid, demoralized, discouraged and futile in a long time.

its not just the mark. its the fact i studied for so long.

i want to drop down to a lower/easier logic course. i don’t have brains. i dont have memory. i can’t remember stuff, i can’t concentrate on anything, i keep drifting off when i try not to and .. .i fail, even when i try my hardest.

there’s nothing, absolutely nothing, anyone can do or say now to correct this. its just … not worth it.

date: 1075673504

mood: studious
listening to:patricia kaas – mon mec a moi

sarah came over this weekend. robert me and her went out for coffee, after a brief photoshoot (2 hours) of sarah by me. there’s some neat stuff, i might post.

the picture of the month of january is:

i’m doing reading.

date: 1075904632

mood: unsure
listening to:Lisa Gerrard & Pieter Bourke – Massive Attack – Safe From Harm (Perfect Mix)

time can’t be turned back. nor it can be made to move faster. nor it can be paused. in fact, the analogy to water makes so much sense.

i slept for less than 4.5 hours.

i woke up and took a shower. i have 40 minutes before i gotta go. still wanna drink tea (otherwise i’ll die) and write my temporary solutions for logic assignment neately.

i am so tired of studying that i don’t even feel the pain that lack of sleep brings.

date: 1076229175

mood: content
listening to:u96 – love sees no color

i had such a nice day.i slept until i woke up by myself. i cleaned a little. i did nothing a little. i figured out part one of my java assignment. didn’t finish it but i understood it and am on my way on being done. i did more nothing, walked my dog, drank coffee and generally had an amazingly happy nice night.

happy fun land.

my dog is adorable.

i want to be cute and cool like her.

spinning my happiness in a circle makes me a happy, content girl.

i have a clip thingie with a girl and a dog made out of wire. my dad has one of a programmer with glasses and my mom has one of a woman on a bike. they got them … somewhere. they are all similarly styled. and near our computers.

mine is holding up my todo list.

and for the first time in a while it stopped freaking me out.

because my happiness spins clockwise.

date: 1076479935

mood: peaceful, tired
listening to:x-perience – my life goes on

lyrics of the moment

changes all around and everytime
and everything is changed in my head
i’m longing for a change
i wouldn’t beg but for a change
i never will get
i spend my time in learning
everytime i learn i turn blue into red

i get in troeble with some friends of mine
they´ve told me there is no need to change
we quarrel it becomes a colder time
and now im freezing down to the bones
nothing changes but i’ve lost 2 friends
and that depends on changing myself

i had a midterm to day on cognition, chapters 1,2,3 and 9. it was okay, not amazing, not horrible, i’m not thinking about it.

anyway, midterm tomorrow, on perception.

olya 2/11/2004 1:23 AM: dear god this material is so fucking boring
*Spades 2/11/2004 1:24 AM: no… this material puts Boring to sleep

my thoughts so far.
its not that bad, its just boring. its all about the little details about the muscular structure of the eye and such. shitload of memorization. i hate memorization. i hate study period, i just like the result. and my headaches ain’t going away.

thursday i have language acquisition.

its great that 2 out of 4 are done though.