my personal timeline

date: 1072825206

mood: pissed off
listening to:

i never realized how competitive i am until i started taking more than two classes with the same person, and playing chess with a friend.

every single mark that i get lower literally makes my heart hurt
every single game i lose makes me feel like an idiot

i take every. single. thing. SO personally.

i was having a great day, a great BIRTHDAY until i went and started playing kungfu chess http://arcade.icq.com/game_multi_chess.htm

really, i should learn. i can’t be a gracious winner, i can’t be a calm loser, i take everything very personally. what sucks even more that i have 4 classes with the same person next semester.

and i am going to die, every.single.time. we’ll get assignments back.

i hate it. i really really hate it. i just can’t take anything relaxed-ly. and there is no way out of it! because that person just keeps wanting to play chess with me!

and the worst thing that if i win it makes no difference whatsoever. i feel guilty for winning and i feel like they let me win.

FUCK. i want my birthday to be better than this.

date: 1072831357

mood: right now? very happy.
listening to:pet shop boys – its a sin

holy batman moodswings!

okay so i lost the shirt i bought to wear for the holidays (really really pretty, hesi can/will attest to that, its black and tube top and has a netted/pink stripe at the top with two sheer strips of material at the side).

now im going to carefully ignore ALL messages that people are sending me because i’m so easily upset, its horrible.

okay, so i found the shirt.
then i found a little cute thing i’ll give my mom today (its the softest cutest smallest teddy bear that she’ll love)

then i made my hair look pretty despite the amazing resistance that it put up. seriously, on other days my hair is the bestest thing ever, and today it just hates me!

then i made myself look pretty. mmm, body lotion. smells so nice.

then i made my hair look pretty AGAIN because its not cooperating.

then i went and cleaned my bathroom cause it has to look nice cause it doubles as guest bathroom and then i cleaned all/most of the junk off my room’s surfaces… i know im getting baskets from ikea for my birthday so all the mess is ready to be organized.

and then i went here and typed this message before i managed to get upset!

i mean, wow, im moodswingy.

edit
ohohohohoh and a friend of mine found a pet that was lost so that really honestly made my day ultra better. yay stalker!!

date: 1072854191

mood: cute jumpy
listening to:groove coverage – poison [aha! found the dance mix!]

… and i still feel like its on. i woke up at … 12? 1? … i wanna have more birthday. its so short, and its only once a year, and i was upset for some of the time anyway.

my mood became so much better, so it was okay.

what i got:

an lcd monitor! http://www.epinions.com/pr-Sharp_LL_T17A4-B_Flat_Panel_TFT_Monitor

tungsten e! the palm thing… its pretty

a hairdryer – ionizer type – http://www.helenoftroy-store.com/cgi-bin/sgin0196.exe?CODIV=0196&UID=2003123101113331&T1=VDS+VS782&FNM=00&UREQA=N
and pilllows and a robe with my initials yay pretty

and of course the blue pretty thingie from scarfy

aah birthday dead so im tired so im gone mmmm

sleep well you all… there will be no more olya teenage stupidity ….

or will there? cue suspenseful music

date: 1072974152

mood: sleepy-happy-sleepy- but honestly not bad at all!
listening to:enigma – metamorphosis – off the 4th fake cd

this was typed in a window that stayed open the whole night and i forgot about it! but since all my friends are really nice and polite no one peeked.

i had the freakiest dreams. absolutely long and with so much detail. my dog was … black. and i had a sister. and mr. smith talked to me. (“Hello Ms Sanakoev”). and it was cool because all the other agents were afraid of me! this is some weird merge between reality (my home), movies (matrix), and people i know (the dog, having a sister).

and there were creepy as fuck clowns. that wanted to sell stuff. brainwashing. and then when you refused to buy their things they would … do … i don’t remember what, in my case it for some reason involved my sister sealing off all the vents with bags made by the clown company. which lead me to the question of whether we are going to suffocate. now it makes sense that we won’t! but its a dream.

and … the agents tried to seal me off from my dog using a force field but for some reason i was able to break it. and an agent was chasing after this guy who i helped escape and then when he came to my front door he seemed visibly intimidated by me! and i mean… i’m small! and i stood up higher did something silly like growling at him.

uhm, yeah.

lets hope my new year isn’t nearly as disturbing as my first dream!

time to wrap presents, and go to my cousins and open my own there and watch other people open mine.

my fish is still here!

date: 1073009478

mood: just happy
listening to:black eyed peas – where is the love

new year is over, holidays are done, and now i have pretty much a whole empty, giftless year to look forward to. ;-)

this holiday season was by far the best gift wise. it is amazing how bang on everyone were. i’ll finish cleaning my room and post pictures of all the gifts i’ve gotten. i’m really lucky to have such amazing parents, friends, relatives.

this new years i stayed at home with my parents, and had a few friends of my own come over as well to join my parents 20-people-large get together. it was a lot of fun. we played charades, i successfully got very buzzed, dance and … *gasp* sung! and it was very nice overall.

judging by the state of my room right now it seems i was taking photographs last night. uhoh.. ;) after i’m done with cleaning i’ll see what i have. =)

hope your new years was a fun, pleasant, friendly, warm, fuzzy, happy as mine, and i hope all of your new years are amazing.

date: 1073244173

mood: distressed
listening to:paul mauriat – alouette

my internet connection is “fishy”. i.e. i can’t load half the things and pings are usually timing out. therefore me typing this up in notepad

my fish is sick. with fungus. and i should have caught it earlier but i couldn’t figure out if the white spot was a part of his coloring or a disease, turns out its a disease.

did a full water change (i had water from the aquarium from which he came, so it was mostly washing out the bowl with boilinghotwater about 5 times and then rinsing out with spring water and then filling with clean prepped water from aquarium + 10% spring water)

i’m running to pet store tomorrow morning and hopefully he will live until then.

he was really happy the 2 days, and now he is tired, and very … unhappy. like his fins used to be very wavy and happy and now they are all together and clamped and stuff.

come to think of it that is listed as one of the symptoms but since it only happened over like past 3 hours i still have time. right? … right?

it’d really suck if he died now, but i’m prepared to handle it. i did everything i could until now.

i even have pictures of him!

http://www.olya.org/daemon1.jpg

and he has a name too, daemon. i guess that makes it more personal.

otherwise my days are very cool, but right now all my mind is taken up by worry. its a life that is dependant on me!

oh, distressed as in STRESSED, not DE-stressed.

date: 1073244415

mood: worried, upset, hopeful
listening to:definition of joy – stay with me 4 ever

i woke up to my fish (i can’t call it/him a name anymore, it would hurt way too much to keep thinking of him..it as an identity) being very very sick. much worse looking. more fungus (white cottony stuff) on the back, and the white spots on the gills are just disgusting and rotten.

but he was alive.

jet off to the store, deal with … well, a salesperson that acted like a manager. however he did help me find what i need. got the medicine and aquiarium salt as its supposed to help (read online). put it all in.

he is slow. barely moving. sad. all the fins are clumped and stuff. he doesn’t look pretty anymore, but i don’t care, im just worried.

i’ll probably head to the store again to buy a net, and water cleaner and other stuff.

i don’t want him to die, but i’m trying to get myself used to the thought that i might come back from the computer, the shower (i need to take), the store, the kitchen, and find him dead.

if he dies i will definetly get another betta.

i’m gonna go talk to my mom cause she wants something from me, then walk shady, then shower.

send him good wishes.

date: 1073381297

mood: falling into soft bed with shady at my feet
listening to:ace of base – all that she wants

school start :|

mental leaving :(
hesi coming back :)

playing with palm :)
keyboard not working :(

lcd monitor fun :)

did productive stuff :)

fishy better :D
probably, maybe, hopefully will live :D
fins are still unhealthy :(

room is a mess :(
schedule (time schedule) is a mess :(

but overall,

:)

date: 1073452459

mood:
listening to:dire straits – brothers in arms

screw me and my arrogance. the fish is … 100% going to die by morning. i have no idea what i did wrong. i have no idea why he looked so better yesterday, and today he is lying at the bottom of the bowl, looking like death.
i don’t know.
i went to hug dog.

dog has a wound. a hot spot.

it is horrible when you are responsible for a life, and you fail them.

tomorrow morning i will wake up to find … the fish, dead. i’ll bury him in my backyard, wash my hands, and go to my long day of school.

and thursday, i will go and get a new one. because … i won’t fail him.

date: 1073536038

mood: tired
listening to:mylene farmer – regrets

i want to take unreal photographs.

pretty: http://www.cowboyboo…/html/acidtrip1.html

i want a new fishie.

yes. he died.

i’m halfway through andromeda strain. having a backlit palm is just priceless, i tell you.

im going to look what keyboards (for palm) i can get.

i need to learn unix.

i want to take pictures.

i want a fish.