Category: uncategorized

all the imported posts from modblog

exam is over

date: 1083734428

mood: on a scale of 1 to 10, -100
listening to:rem – man on the moon (was playing on the radio now its in my head)

just letting you know.
don’t ask.
just tell me a … something nice. postive. cheery. anything really. a plus sign will do.

ARGH exams!

date: 1081811669

mood: levity
listening to:sin with sebastian – shut up and sleep with me

help!
give me ideas on how to start studying.
i have 4 exams, in order of apperance:

9am-12am, 19 monday, programming : open book, bring all the paper you want, nothing digital. 3 hours. writing down code.
9am-12am, 22 thursday, logic: one sheet of paper with whatever you want, will be super SUPER hard, but if i UNDERSTAND stuff i’ll do well. but if there. 3 hours. ouch. long.
same day: linguistics. messy prof, messy notes, interesitng textbook, shitload of memorization required. 3 hours.
a week later:
psychology, cognition: i can study well for this. format is well known, she gives fantastic lecturs and has awesome notes. textbook very useful too.

i can’t start studying for the first 3 which are the hardest. BLAH. gimme advice.

tediousness and agitation

date: 1080194032

mood: semi stressed out
listening to:danceish remix of early 90s music.

my life has become one tedious repetition.
it is not a bad thing but this week had so many changes. i met people who i don’t usually see and didn’t see people whom i usually do see.
i’m tired, i want a break.
i want a job, i want a dslr, i want better marks in my courses, i want more time, i want my back to stop hurting. why am i so stressed out when just 3 hours ago i was relaxed and happy?

do i really just crash under stress?

how the heck am i going to live life if every time something upsets me i swing full way?

am i really that bipolar? do i fit the definition? i

don’t know.

what can i do

date: 1075322460

mood: depressed, hopeless, stupid
listening to:

i gotten back my algebra test.
as you may remember i was confident i gotten a good mark on that exam. istudied for more hours than i can describe. i took a prep couse. i spent 9 hours in a lecture covering everything that was given through out the year, solved questions from instructors manual, solved pretty much all of old exam question that i could get my hands on and memorized … well, i thought i had it aced/

i THOUGHT i gotten a good mark. i THOUGHT that they made a mistake. i THOUGHT that i could do well if study

i thought wrong.

or rather, i learned that i can’t learn, i can’t think and i cant remember.

i gotten a 69. on an exam where i was confident i’ve gotten 95. for mistakes i shouldn’t have made if i had brains.

i have never, ever felt as hopeless, as … well, given up and … pointless, stupid, demoralized, discouraged and futile in a long time.

its not just the mark. its the fact i studied for so long.

i want to drop down to a lower/easier logic course. i don’t have brains. i dont have memory. i can’t remember stuff, i can’t concentrate on anything, i keep drifting off when i try not to and .. .i fail, even when i try my hardest.

there’s nothing, absolutely nothing, anyone can do or say now to correct this. its just … not worth it.

unreality

date: 1073536038

mood: tired
listening to:mylene farmer – regrets

i want to take unreal photographs.

pretty: http://www.cowboyboo…/html/acidtrip1.html

i want a new fishie.

yes. he died.

i’m halfway through andromeda strain. having a backlit palm is just priceless, i tell you.

im going to look what keyboards (for palm) i can get.

i need to learn unix.

i want to take pictures.

i want a fish.

damnit, why fun has to be so exauhsting

date: 1119842157

mood: doing good does more good
listening to:garbage – push it

so, yeah, saturday day was spent in linguistics (2pm – 10pm). saturday night to my surprise (and we’re talking 11pm here) i went out – oleg and i jumped downtown to check out the toronto jazz festival. this 14 year old kid, jommy bowskill was playing – and it was so awesome we ended up staying until 2am without realizing it. damnit!

why damnit? cause next morning i managed to oversleep an 10am wake up call for skydiving. which was supposed to be a quick hop to barry, skip and jump out of an airplane, but instead turned into a 4 hour wait until 6pm to actually get to an airplane. the jump was fantastic, but i ended up getting home by 9.

my room is a freaking mess, its dusty, i wanted to vacuum. my parents are renovating the basement and its junk everywhere and a lot of it gets dropped off in my room as “stuff that you gotta deal with”, and i would if i only had the time. we’re moving my bed downstairs so i gotta figure out what to replace it with. i have about 3 hours of linguistics to do before tomorrow, cause tomorrow i’m meeting christina and the prof. and then i have to figure out certain important school/travel documents, which also has to be done tomorrow.

there is paul who i haven’t emailed to in forever and not because i don’t want to.

there is my cousin in voronezh who sent me a hearttouching email 3 weeks ago that i still didn’t reply to.

there is my half cousin in moscow that keeps sending me cute, adorable, friendly messages over deviantart.

there is my cousin here in canada who asked me to post some news on devart for him.

there is richard and diny from devart who sent me awesome emails and to whom i should really get back.

there is the issue of me not even getting to call about ordering the laptop sleeve.

there steve, the graphical designer for whom i sometimes freelance that is waiting on a ~3 week email as well.

there are at least 3 4×6 people that are looking for information from me about the summit.

i promised paul and diny their birthday cards. they’re lying my table, half complete.

there are posters around my room which need to be hung up. have i really spent all that time at the airport for naught?

on that note, some of you still want me to post how my trip went. my laptop is at 3%, charger is in LA, i keep forgetting to charge it with my mom’s (i have to keep running upstairs to steal it, so its not in front of my eyes), so getting the information from laptop to here is a pause.

there are photographs from the summit, from today’s skydiving that i should post.

there is the organizer at lacus, waiting on a payment for my residence there – in US check and no other method (“Payment must be in the form of a check or money order, drawn in US dollars, payable to “Dartmouth College”. You cannot pay cash. You cannot pay by credit card. You cannot use PayPal. You cannot use gold bullion or offer up your first-born child in payment. Shame on you for even thinking of that last possibility.”) – meaning i need to make a dedicated trip to the bank about that. and on that note, gotta call the bank and open an internet managing account.

as afore mentioned but still reasonably seperate note, i need to be spending all of my waking time writing a certain linguistics paper/presentation which is creeping up.

and there’s 9-5 work, at which i can’t fall asleep, and which has seriously kicked up lately, making me busy the whole day.

so, yeah.

i’m having fun, but damnit, this weekend was anything but relaxing, and unless you happen to have the last name of smith, its probably a wise idea to not bug me, unless i bug you.

update
mmm okay. i’ve been pleasantly bugged, so now i’m going to either fall asleep or try working, still not sure.

skydiving was awesome.

…and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return. — Leonardo de Vinci

At 13.000 feet nothing else matters. (Bumper Sticker) – okay i went at 4, 000 – it still is like that

Life sucks, and then you fly. — Bill Purdin

Plain and simple, skydiving is all about controlled terror, and I love it.
— Lewis B. Sanborn

i went at 4k feet, did a perfect (i think) jump. landed on my feet. it was incredibly scary going into it, knowing how it will be. wind was eaiser to beat this time… and i bumped my head (with helmet) on the airplane wing/door, not sure which. i saw the airplane fall away from me. i saw the faces of those whowere watching me fall away. i saw my chute open (very quickly). kicked out line twists. found drop zone easily. it was smoooooooth.

haircut.

date: 1114844256

mood: i should be sleeping. shouldnt you?
listening to:mobu – everloving



i seriously suck at this self portraiting thing. i really need more stands/tripods.

70% done? riiight

date: 1107758572

mood:
listening to:

hly hell
the scheme programming assignment is done. by me. its perfect. works like it should. finished an hour ago.

70% done? riiight. i had so many things wrong, i had not a clue… fast forward, i spent about 40 hours looking at nothing but brackets.

next up:
2000 word essay on procrastination
neural networks

due tuesday

im already turning to mush.

thank you for the support… it makes me feel nice. which is pretty much all that can make my life better at this point.