the world is my home

date: 1102785466

mood: everything at once
listening to:mylene farmer – regrets

ah, 3 weeks, no update.
many things happened. i hurt my back, and the injury got aggravated due to the walking in rome.

how to summarize 3 weeks?

they fly by too fast.

i took photographs. i went to classes. i went to luxembourg. i went to the doctor. i went out. i stayed home. i made vareniki. i went shopping. i went skating. i went to a movie. and i took photographs.

i programmed, or tried to. i talked to people, or tried to. :)

i’m feeling an immense feeling of nostalgia right now, for the 4 months that seemed to fly by. some things seem like they happened just yesterday, and some things feel like years ago. all in all, this definetly was much, much more than i could have possibly expected in the beginning.

ah, well, screw sadness. exciting stuff?

after tuesday evening i am free for a whole week. expect to have a lot of partying.
next friday will be bruges for the whole day, i hope. and germany…

i keep notes for the past 3 weeks, but they are so point form. its more important to me to spend the last time with the people here (or at least study for my language exams) than to sit at my computer. as such, i shall go! :)

things left:
saturday eve: study french until done, then highlander for a beer
sunday: chinese/programming/ library for art class
monday: chinese/programming
tuesday: last meeting, then french exam (yikes)
wednesday: art class on photography!, then roadtrip anywhere
thursday: road trip anywhere
friday: art class, road trip to bruges, then 5th floor final dinner
saturday: my “birthday” aka an excuse to invite lotsa people to 5th floor and have a party
sunday: party/road trip
monday: road trip/party until wee hours of tuesday…

i guess i’m not that poorly off. at least i have thursday/sunday to have full day roadtrips!

i also should send the 2nd package home soon, and check that i can take my luggage normally.

i can’t believe how great this experience was. never expected anything like this to happen. so many friends made… spain, switzerland, france, italy, scotland, estonia.

but soon – canada!

holy batman, i need rest OR stuffs

date: 1096036018

mood: *YAWNS* | w00t, weekend
listening to:hackers – stumble you might fall

like, whoa.

bad thing sout of the way. i’m just out of my philosophy class, and i’m falling asleeeep. it is too long, it is too boring. the stuff we’re talking about is cool, but the way people talk and phrase stuff just kills me.

something crossed my mind yesterday. when i am at home – notice, i already have been calling hte guesthouse home! – i really feel at home. its like a family. we cook. we clean. we play soccer in the hall, for who gets to cook dinner. we watch tv and make fun of stupid movies. we ask for help with homework, we make fun of girl cut outs that the guys have stuck on the wall, we clean rooms, iron shirts, greet guests, and borrow ingridients for food. we ask “who else wants pasta” and “does anyone have eggs”. we whine about classes that are too dutch, about the dutch bureaucracy, about money and lack of thereof. we discuss trips, listen to music, plan tomorrow, and go sleep at different times. we make fun of the silent housecleaner (well not while shes there, duh), and the 20 security warnings that we have gotten in one weekend.

anyway. i miss home like crazy, i guess this is the stage when i have to miss it. [reference]

but i’m also very comfortable and happy here.

while my last 2 posts were really depressing in their mood, it was because i was tired and depressed and hungry when i was writing them. in all honesty, the amsterdam trip was fantastic – first trip i had that was outside of “safe” areas and with people my age!

last morning, as i had nothing to do, i made oladushki in the morning. it was absolutely awesome, cause this was the 3rd time i’m making them, and they came out peeeeeerfect.

i feel like i should have taken different clothes. i want more skirts (duh), and some shirts i took i’m unsure about. oh well, i guess i’ll just have to go shopping ;)

the highlight of yesterday was the light going out when we were sitting at the kitchen table at 3 am ;)

puun!

*cough*

yesterday was very quiet. it was raining very badly outside, and the weather was miserable, therefore i gladly used the opportunity to not go out anywhere. i woke up around 1, made oladushki, drank tea, read some, played soccer in the hall, chatted to people. basically, i was the least possibly productive human being.

i lost to thomas *twice* in scoring goals, so i owed him 2 dinners. now its one, i made mushroom soup lat night. but, ARGH, not fair. i’m taking him up in tennis. i offered chess but for some reason he was scared ;)

anyway, later in the evening, before dinner, i studied, again, very unproductively. ended up launching into this discussion of europe/northamerica and canada/us and like stereotypes, media, how similar/different they are. it was fun, but not superbly good for my education ;)

what else… tonight we might be going out. probably will since didn’t go out for (gasp) 2 days.

also, today i got my paper subjects for psychology and philosophy. psychology is COOL and philosophy thankfully seems easy.

here’s how they work.

in psych, we got individual data sets, and software to analyze them. the data sets are from 150 real students who replied to a simple survey of about 15 questions about condom use, and their Beliefs, Social Influence, Self Efficacy on it. therefore we have 3 factors that influence the INTENT (of using a condom). and our paper has to analyze our individual data set, see which factors influence the intent the strongest, and using the additional papers and research that we are given, write a paper that proposes a solution to imporve the intent.

so i.e. my data set has social influence and self efficacy as highest influence, so i have to write a paper that would influence people on these two factors. and i get to come up with anything i want, with unlimited funds/time/people, but i have to base it on real theory.

the philosophy is not as interesting to me but its easier. its 3 questions, with some subquestions, regarding the material that we read, mostly dealing with modern/postmodern thought, wittgenstein, lyotard, habermas.

it looks like it started to rain again. boo!

next week i got NO classes except for french and chinese on tuesday and monday (in the evening), and on friday, philosophy (the paper is due). the psych paper is due a week later. and both this and next week i have wed/thursday with NO classes!

rooooadtrippp!

or rather, train trip.

speaking of trips, simon also bought a ticket to rome, so now its jennifer, me, simon, david. awesomness!

i gotta run, i wanna go into a dept store and get stockings and an umbrella.

have a great weekend everyone! i sure hope i will.

day 5 (it feels like a month), august 31

date: 1094545375

mood:
listening to:

morning lecture – booooooooooooring
email checking.
pbl class, late again, was fun.
computer class, boring, checked email.
smirnoff talk
went to meet the computer prof, he is russian (belarus but speaks russian). he does machine learning, and i think i will be working on a project with him while i’m here. i am not in any of his classes, i just volunteered.

walked home, spoke with francesca for a while, left to school at 5 again, checked email, at 6 was dinner.
it was indonesian, and this time i got BURNED.
came home, met pieter on the way.
i again couldn’t have spent any time alone. met francesca with pieter. francesca was upset, she fought (simple misunderstanding) with her friends.

after coming home we all ate potatoes, met miriam (estonian neighbour girl), talked, then we dressed and went out, went to pieter’s home, drank apple liquor, very good (11 euroes for a bottle, im so bringing it back home, we’d all love it), then went out, went to one bar, was fun, (i danced!), drank 2 beers, then went to another bar (around 1am), much better, very crowded as soon as we arrived, i danced more again – it was AWESOME. had 3 beers. francesca’s friends came by, danced more (for a while, until 2:30), then went home (took an hour to get because we all were buzzed), had conversation about genders and women role in society with nicolas on the way home (nicolas is one of the italian guys), then came home at 3:30, now sleep.

camping weekend

date: 1092630494

mood: speechlessly happy
listening to:delerium – truly (featuring nerina pallot) OMFG HTE BEST SONG EVAH

okay, it should be illegal to be so happy.

i had an awesome weekend. i can’t even begin to describe. thank you.

it is so nice to spend time with people and be completely de-stressed, and not worried and stuffs.

this is how olya looks right before falling asleep:

next week is my last week of work, and the week after that i’m leaving to maastricht.

so many dreams swinging out of the blue

date: 1085426201

mood: harmony
listening to:temperance – forever young (club mix)

in the end,
there is always a beginning.

heaven can wait, we’re only watching the skies, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst

let us die young or let us live forever

we don’t have the power
but we never say never

sitting in a sandpit,
life is a short trip

the music’s for the sad men

forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever
Forever – and ever

i’m eating bananas

date: 1083106530

mood: shorter blonder better
listening to:u96 – love sees no color

aah stupid thingie crashed. twice!

perfection. i want everything to be perfect. why can’t that happen?

anyway.

this is what i feel like.

what do you think?

oh, and with my new haircut of course, not their … hair.

recursion

date: 1074494856

mood: mentally exhausted, physically agitated
listening to:enigma – mea culpa, nin – *

-> the glasses i found that i liked. didn’t buy, not yet. must compare more. blah.
-> visited a fish shop, another one, so now i know where the best bettas are. going to get them soon.
-> thought more about marks. felt stupid. felt more stupid. felt even more stupid and finally accepted and stopped being upset.
-> came home and did some questions to help parent’s friends master’s level statistics… no, wait. statistics course. felt smart. didn’t clean cause was doing that. was too tired to do anything more smart after that.
-> realized how fucking stupid it is that i can do stuff after i fuck up on the course.

ouch
heart
hurts

need to make
doctor appointment.

i hate it. it hurts more lately. or like i feel … i feel that its beating so hard that i can’t do anything else. that i need to stop and lean or i feel im going to have a heart attack. i hate it. im 20. i dont want to get tired after walking up 2 flights of stairs in the subway. i need to plan for more time to geteverywhere cause i can’t walk fast enough. fuck.

-> finished assignment. wrote 3/5 neatly. understood a hard question. i can’t decide whether im so stupid i dont see things i dont understand or im just confused periodically.

and let me guess, everyone are going to say that “nooo, you’re smart” :|
its weird. it doesn’t matter what you say. its what i feel. for 3 years my mom told me i look great with glasses. friends, relatives, told me that. and yet only when i randomly looked in the morning sleepy stare mirror and liked what i seen that could remove the complex.
and not even then fully. i was doing that uncomfortable smile thing today when i was trying on glasses.

aah fuck.

heart hurts.

mea culpa.