blog.olya

SO work search has began. recruiters are hunting me. i am shocked! but love it. all the people! all the talking! i feel so responsible and smart! it is wonderfu
bought 2 new shirts today, work type ones, white and black.
found my black pants here.
got all my marks back (OH YEAH its good)
and i am a GENIUS. that is all. i am firmly convinced that this life will be freaking awesome. awesomeer than it was before.

this feels so strange. why are people expecting me to be so happy about being done? why are most people so happy about being done? maybe this is disappointing; but university was the best time of my life. while i’m sure there are many - endless - fantastic times ahead, this night is the end of something beautiful, and something unique.

i guess this is no different than any other night. each day, or night, or hell, each moment that we pass, passes without return. each moment is unique as we’ll never live it again. gosh, i remember realizing this when i was like 6, but i guess this is slightly more mature?

i wrote my last exam, ever, likely, outside of me taking post grad courses/degrees/whatever. it won’t be the same, though. i got to travel, i got to party, i got to slack off like never in my life. i have so many wonderful memories - all the travel, all the people i have met. i still have the note left on my door by a friend of mine in maastricht, on my last night - “just knock” - so that i say goodbye before leaving (at 4 am). i remember australia and missing tim. i remember starting university and feeling so overwhelmed by the size of the university. i remember classes of 300 people, and i remember classes of 5, and all that was in between. i remember assignments handed in the last minute, and assignments done weeks in advance - oh who am i kidding, there were no assignments done weeks in advance. they were all, or most done last night, last day, last hour, last minute, hell, i remember last second assignments. standing in front of the dropbox, completing a neat copy of a proof (as all copies had to be neat! but of course!).

5 years - did they really fly past so fast?

first year - calculus. all that i remember is calculus. okay, well, fine, i remember other courses - i remember taking 150 with k. reid, and feeling so happy that WOW there’s a female professor in an advanced CS class! things must not be that bad! haha. i remember archeology, my social science course (i don’t even know if i needed that course, but at least i’m sure i got my distribution requirements filled), with the midterm when the entire class showed up saying that “we didn’t get the book!” and the prof taught the midterm to us, and gave it to us the week after. a unique experience - no other course in u of t was nearly as gentle (no exam!). i remember suffering through introduction to cognitive science, disappointed that the prof that i wanted wasn’t teaching it. linguistics - made good friends there. and that’s all.

first summer - blackout; missed exam due to it; didn’t have to write it - got a good mark. thought i’m smart. hah…

second year - changes. changes in personal life; changes in marks. barely remember courses - but i remember getting back (paying for!) an exam, to check if they were right - how could have i have gotten such a “low” mark! apparently, i could. doubt i’ll do that again. remember crying on my first (and my last) exam, after being fooled by the prof on what i should’ve studied (i went to office hours the entire year, and she lead me down the garden path. i only knew one experiment that was asked, despite studying for many, many hours of review). i remember finding the exchange office.

third year - maastricht. got my credits. but more importantly, got my self confidence. met wonderful people, moved out on my own, partied like there was no tomorrow. realized that the shitty marks in u of t are not because i’m not trying - but because u of t is hard. without trying, getting As in most classes… what a boost… only to return to -
third year, second half - my only D, the class where i met tim. the class I should’ve dropped after getting 25% on the midterm, but didn’t. it was worth it - the class doesn’t matter at this point. i remember falling in-love, as i was falling into my australia plans.

summer, tim leaving.

fourth year, first half. finding my favouritest prof ever (maha can attest). suffering through a CS course, and getting 78, 80, and 81 in the other 3 courses. feeling good. (wow, i got more than 80 in two courses? in one semester? holy crap, i’m smart.)
second half. australia. not much to say here, except thanks for 336 and 384, UNSW (and oleg, who beat out these credits from CS department in U of T).

fifth year, the strange feeling that its all ending. first semester, blah. no great marks. sick during exams. no excuses. desperate for last nights of out; but everyone are focused on studying now. savouring the rare einstein and new ho outings. poker nights, redecoration, 2nd x-mas with tim’s parents, feeling it all just about slipping through my fingers!

and here we are

end of second half of fifth year.

last exam went perfect. pick 4 out of 6, pick 2 out of 3, and i knew all 9 questions offered. i’m happy. i yelled in the parking lot. and then i looked at the university college building and felt such strong nostalgia.

the time passed by faster than it took me to type this entry. i already miss it all. i’ll be ready for the wonderful, awesome future - but right now, i miss it preemptively, i miss it whole heartedly. it was the best time of my life, and i doubt i could have gotten a better experience in any way possible - cognitively, socially, or personally.

one of the most interesting things that i learned in the last 4 years of university is the notion of flow. no, scratch that. it is THE most interesting thing that i have learned in the past 4 years. the reason i bring it up in this post, is that flow is a state in which you are:

• highly internally motivated
• are keenly interested
• faced with a challenge just at the border of your abilities

among other things. this really deserves another entry on its own, BUT, today i realized WHY it is that the task must be challenging.

philosophy of logic, a class i am taken, is taught based on a book written by ian hacking, a u of t professor (honorary at this point, i believe). the book is incredibly well written, is highly interesting, and incredibly easy. it is easy not because material is easy - it isn’t really THAT easy - but because i have already met all the material presented with in. frequency probability (studied in stats of psych), belief probability (studied in stats of CS - highly relevant to AI!), philosophy of logic (despite that this is the name of this class, i have ran into the arguments presented with in in my other philosophy classes). i’ve touched on all of the math in it.

therefore, i have a terribly hard time making myself sit down and get into the details of the “basics”. i am capable of it, and i did a lot (finished reading the entire book, for example - i am doing all the exercize sets tonight). its just difficult to not get distracted.

therefore, out of a bracelet maha gifted me with years ago, i have made that necklace. it is SO FREAKING COOL. and thanks to my abnormally thin wrist, i am still able to wear the bracelet comfortably. YAY for saving $30.

you can read more about flow there.

who knew i’d ever enjoy the company of a cat that much!

i made poached pears today. i keep forgetting to buy an orange to experiment with this, but essentially its 3 simple steps:

1. peel and core the pears while…
2. half a cup of sugar, 2 cups red wine, 1 cup water (more wine?), 3-5 cloves are coming to a simmer
3. simmer pears in liquid until desired consistency and color reached with lid on
(4 optional: to get a thick sauce to pour over the pears, simmer half the time with the lid off. or something like that. i just wing it, and it works.)

tasty, easy, and little effort, other than the peeling and coring, but i can live with that for the high class style of eating a poached pear off a tiny white plate.

Lawrence is doing well. cuddling on the couch is normal, he is sleeping ON the couch now, has a favorite chair (director’s chair), and rubs up against our legs regularly. he still bites and scratches in play, which makes me look like i climbed over chicken wire. but its a small sacrifice to waking up to a cat nuzzling at your chest!

also, i got an ear infection day before my first exam. i’m not really considering it luck as its (a) hassle (b) an extra exam to write at the end of the year, ruining my brilliant plan of having 3 exams per semester and graduating with 8 half credits (due to a full year movie course).

my new favourite song of the moment is modest mouse - float on. totally.

ai assignment has been submitted; 5 days to write an essay and prepare for an exam. i’m having a quiet evening in the super clean living room - kevin and smita cleaned it up while i was doing the assignment today. lesley ann, mike, and La’s friend cheryl left on a trip through the outback, and the apartment feels considerably more empty.

last night was a big out night - the last one with all the people that i have met here. james, a guy from wales has left australia, and he was one of the major people who we hung out with here. we ended up staying out until about 6am… and i finished the ai assignment in 7 hours today :)

it feels excellent to be done with classes. even though i still have 2 essays and 2 exams left it truly does feel like the semester is over. :D