date: 1094833426

mood: horrible headache
listening to:

alright, this will be a quickie as i’m dying of a headache.
see http://www.olya.org/floormates/ for some photographs of life.

this morning i woke up late (11), jerome made me some coffee (i drank black coffee, yay), made toast like my mom used to (with milk, 1 egg, some sugar), for myself and julien. spoke to sandra for a bit. no one else was around – jerome left to class.

francesca is coughing and is very sick, now is jerome as well. i asked him if he thinks its a contagious disease, he says he is sick from the 7 sins party, as we were walking home, and it was very cold, and he was only wearing a tshirt. hmm. i’m still a bit worried, cause now i have a headache and feel weak… blah.

washed dishes, made kitchen look nice. julien put on “lets get retarded”, except here it is “lets get it started”. i mean, when we went dancing, it was that, and now on a *cd* that he has it is also that. how silly. i explained to him that its not really all that innocent of a song. who’s corrupting whom – europe america or vice versa?

it is actually a dillema, am i russian or canadian. when people ask me where i am from i say “russian canadian” to get the best of both worlds. it confuses them even more, but then so does my name.

studied for a bit before class, helped julien with his english problems – i am constantly offering my help as all of them are having *SUCH* difficulties with english in their reading! and their reading is extremely hard too – its law and philosophy combined, like top 2 brain numbing subjects. today the words i was asked before leaving were “whether”, “promote”. some others, but you know, its just … odd words that you need to know.
each time i get asked a word from french guys (cause they are the ones having most difficulty), i learn that word in french as well.

then left to class.

then – class, 2nd class of philosophy, its hard and brain numbing, i like it waaaaaaaaaaaaay less than i do social psych (which is fun, i wonder how my course is different from hesi’s course).

after class, sat outside, went online, uploaded photographs and realized i can’t access them. was battling this issue when i see a photographer with a huuuge camera and a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge camera bag taking a photograph of one of the guys i keep seeing around here. after he was done i spoke to him a little – turns out he is from the local student newspaper (where i tried to apply last afternoon, while speaking with a writer from it, but she told me that they have 2 photorgraphers that they *pay* (lucky bastards), so she can’t accept volunteers). very nice guy, classically photographer, big (in each sense of the word), messy hair, huge camera bag, messy.

we spoken for a while about photography, and how it changes and how hard it is to get a GOOD photograph… he made me feel better. i complained that after a year of taking photographs something changed, and i’m never happy with what i’m doing, and it feels like i lost the ability to take photographs that would make me satisifed, and its frustrating and depressing like hell. he told me that .. its normal. tha the has the same thing. and he thinks that 1-2 good photographs a year is a joy. i am not sure i even satisfy that, but at least i’m not as much of a freak as i thought.

anyway, his website: http://www.philipdriessen.com/

that was cool. then i started chatting on icq and other people came out and it was a mess and i hate triyng to talk to someone online when someone is trying to talk to me r/l, cause it seems very rude if i juts stick my nose into the laptop… so yeah…. i tried to balance that, didn’t work out, i ran back inside, on the couch.

on the couch, in the common room, i again found more trojans on my computer, even though i installed avg, updated service pack, and ran adaware 3 times a day, and was 100% clean on all parameters this morning. BLAH!

stupid unprotected wireless network… well it IS protected, i just guess not well enough/

anyway.. got rid of the 180search assistant popup, AGAIN.

wrote some emails to parents, friends. my head hurts, so my apologies if my email was short, uncoherent, or plain nonexistent. i’ll do better next time – it was difficult to concentrate to write this, but since apparently all of you are like, expecting this to be a novel and stuff, i went from 5 lines (which is all i had in the beginning), to this, cause… blah… screw you… stuffs…

i’m worried i’m spending too much on food (simple groceries). i want to buy chicken and stuff for recipes my mom sent me (and beef for the ones that maha sent me), but i gotta figure out a way to make others pay too.

anyway, tomorrow is saturday so building is closed, and we will see how i feel and how schedule is, and whether i’ll be able to update this. my parents have all my phone numbers and stuff, so ask them if you have questions =p
sanakoev, then the thing with the a and the circle, then mail, and then ru

okay, that’s all! i’ll try to update on my computer if i don’t go online. thank you all for reading! tell me what you want now pictures of/descriptions of.

date: 1093476040

mood:
listening to:

as in, preparing my desktop.
since myie had open 7+ windows of pretty clothing, i decided to let all of you know what i like in case you win the lottery or something. =p

in order from most liked down:

and as a complement

date: 1087663151

mood:
listening to:sasha – immortal

i’m getting my new laptop like … nownownownownow. like … within 30 minutes. like, omg.

everyone, say thank you to Oleg who spent time making sure its a good one (and comes at a more-than-reasonable-more-like-omg-i-cant-believe-it price)

thank you Oleg!

also today i’ll be getting a manicure and a pedicure, for the first time in my LIFE. isn’t that exciting?

and this weekend officially means i have 2-3 weeks left before my d70 gets here.

life isn’t about material things, but they sure can make you happy!

date: 1083734428

mood: on a scale of 1 to 10, -100
listening to:rem – man on the moon (was playing on the radio now its in my head)

just letting you know.
don’t ask.
just tell me a … something nice. postive. cheery. anything really. a plus sign will do.

date: 1081811669

mood: levity
listening to:sin with sebastian – shut up and sleep with me

help!
give me ideas on how to start studying.
i have 4 exams, in order of apperance:

9am-12am, 19 monday, programming : open book, bring all the paper you want, nothing digital. 3 hours. writing down code.
9am-12am, 22 thursday, logic: one sheet of paper with whatever you want, will be super SUPER hard, but if i UNDERSTAND stuff i’ll do well. but if there. 3 hours. ouch. long.
same day: linguistics. messy prof, messy notes, interesitng textbook, shitload of memorization required. 3 hours.
a week later:
psychology, cognition: i can study well for this. format is well known, she gives fantastic lecturs and has awesome notes. textbook very useful too.

i can’t start studying for the first 3 which are the hardest. BLAH. gimme advice.

date: 1080194032

mood: semi stressed out
listening to:danceish remix of early 90s music.

my life has become one tedious repetition.
it is not a bad thing but this week had so many changes. i met people who i don’t usually see and didn’t see people whom i usually do see.
i’m tired, i want a break.
i want a job, i want a dslr, i want better marks in my courses, i want more time, i want my back to stop hurting. why am i so stressed out when just 3 hours ago i was relaxed and happy?

do i really just crash under stress?

how the heck am i going to live life if every time something upsets me i swing full way?

am i really that bipolar? do i fit the definition? i

don’t know.

date: 1078693860

mood: melancholic
listening to:ace of base – its a beautiful life

i know who my friends are.

date: 1075322460

mood: depressed, hopeless, stupid
listening to:

i gotten back my algebra test.
as you may remember i was confident i gotten a good mark on that exam. istudied for more hours than i can describe. i took a prep couse. i spent 9 hours in a lecture covering everything that was given through out the year, solved questions from instructors manual, solved pretty much all of old exam question that i could get my hands on and memorized … well, i thought i had it aced/

i THOUGHT i gotten a good mark. i THOUGHT that they made a mistake. i THOUGHT that i could do well if study

i thought wrong.

or rather, i learned that i can’t learn, i can’t think and i cant remember.

i gotten a 69. on an exam where i was confident i’ve gotten 95. for mistakes i shouldn’t have made if i had brains.

i have never, ever felt as hopeless, as … well, given up and … pointless, stupid, demoralized, discouraged and futile in a long time.

its not just the mark. its the fact i studied for so long.

i want to drop down to a lower/easier logic course. i don’t have brains. i dont have memory. i can’t remember stuff, i can’t concentrate on anything, i keep drifting off when i try not to and .. .i fail, even when i try my hardest.

there’s nothing, absolutely nothing, anyone can do or say now to correct this. its just … not worth it.

date: 1073536038

mood: tired
listening to:mylene farmer – regrets

i want to take unreal photographs.

pretty: http://www.cowboyboo…/html/acidtrip1.html

i want a new fishie.

yes. he died.

i’m halfway through andromeda strain. having a backlit palm is just priceless, i tell you.

im going to look what keyboards (for palm) i can get.

i need to learn unix.

i want to take pictures.

i want a fish.

date: 1119842157

mood: doing good does more good
listening to:garbage – push it

so, yeah, saturday day was spent in linguistics (2pm – 10pm). saturday night to my surprise (and we’re talking 11pm here) i went out – oleg and i jumped downtown to check out the toronto jazz festival. this 14 year old kid, jommy bowskill was playing – and it was so awesome we ended up staying until 2am without realizing it. damnit!

why damnit? cause next morning i managed to oversleep an 10am wake up call for skydiving. which was supposed to be a quick hop to barry, skip and jump out of an airplane, but instead turned into a 4 hour wait until 6pm to actually get to an airplane. the jump was fantastic, but i ended up getting home by 9.

my room is a freaking mess, its dusty, i wanted to vacuum. my parents are renovating the basement and its junk everywhere and a lot of it gets dropped off in my room as “stuff that you gotta deal with”, and i would if i only had the time. we’re moving my bed downstairs so i gotta figure out what to replace it with. i have about 3 hours of linguistics to do before tomorrow, cause tomorrow i’m meeting christina and the prof. and then i have to figure out certain important school/travel documents, which also has to be done tomorrow.

there is paul who i haven’t emailed to in forever and not because i don’t want to.

there is my cousin in voronezh who sent me a hearttouching email 3 weeks ago that i still didn’t reply to.

there is my half cousin in moscow that keeps sending me cute, adorable, friendly messages over deviantart.

there is my cousin here in canada who asked me to post some news on devart for him.

there is richard and diny from devart who sent me awesome emails and to whom i should really get back.

there is the issue of me not even getting to call about ordering the laptop sleeve.

there steve, the graphical designer for whom i sometimes freelance that is waiting on a ~3 week email as well.

there are at least 3 4×6 people that are looking for information from me about the summit.

i promised paul and diny their birthday cards. they’re lying my table, half complete.

there are posters around my room which need to be hung up. have i really spent all that time at the airport for naught?

on that note, some of you still want me to post how my trip went. my laptop is at 3%, charger is in LA, i keep forgetting to charge it with my mom’s (i have to keep running upstairs to steal it, so its not in front of my eyes), so getting the information from laptop to here is a pause.

there are photographs from the summit, from today’s skydiving that i should post.

there is the organizer at lacus, waiting on a payment for my residence there – in US check and no other method (“Payment must be in the form of a check or money order, drawn in US dollars, payable to “Dartmouth College”. You cannot pay cash. You cannot pay by credit card. You cannot use PayPal. You cannot use gold bullion or offer up your first-born child in payment. Shame on you for even thinking of that last possibility.”) – meaning i need to make a dedicated trip to the bank about that. and on that note, gotta call the bank and open an internet managing account.

as afore mentioned but still reasonably seperate note, i need to be spending all of my waking time writing a certain linguistics paper/presentation which is creeping up.

and there’s 9-5 work, at which i can’t fall asleep, and which has seriously kicked up lately, making me busy the whole day.

so, yeah.

i’m having fun, but damnit, this weekend was anything but relaxing, and unless you happen to have the last name of smith, its probably a wise idea to not bug me, unless i bug you.

update
mmm okay. i’ve been pleasantly bugged, so now i’m going to either fall asleep or try working, still not sure.

skydiving was awesome.

…and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return. — Leonardo de Vinci

At 13.000 feet nothing else matters. (Bumper Sticker) – okay i went at 4, 000 – it still is like that

Life sucks, and then you fly. — Bill Purdin

Plain and simple, skydiving is all about controlled terror, and I love it.
— Lewis B. Sanborn

i went at 4k feet, did a perfect (i think) jump. landed on my feet. it was incredibly scary going into it, knowing how it will be. wind was eaiser to beat this time… and i bumped my head (with helmet) on the airplane wing/door, not sure which. i saw the airplane fall away from me. i saw the faces of those whowere watching me fall away. i saw my chute open (very quickly). kicked out line twists. found drop zone easily. it was smoooooooth.